there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
