you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
