filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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