Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize
