My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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