apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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