i was born a porn star she said
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
