why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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