Having a random hookup so left but love u
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
