Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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