I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
