M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
