Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
