I can feel you judging me through the phone.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
