would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
