You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
