he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
