come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
