He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
