Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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