they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
