she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
