just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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