So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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