we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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