I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
