I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
