the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
