I bet he comes in French.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
