I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
