Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
