Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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