Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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