Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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