It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
