They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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