a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We are two peas in an std pod
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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