this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
