it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
