I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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