I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
