im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize