people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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