That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
