turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
