Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
