i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
