the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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