I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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