margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
