Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
