i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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