I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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