wanna go halves on a baby?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
