The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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